This morning it is Mozart’s Clarinet Concert. I love Mozart and his music has a calming effect on me. I need it today.
“Don’t try to force anything. Let life be a deep let-go. God opens millions of flowers every day without forcing their buds.” —Oshob
I woke up with stress this morning. Where does this stress originate? There is enough uncertainty that anybody can experience stress. It started yesterday evening, I just did not recognise my inability to sit still for what it is. Looking back, I can see two reasons for this sudden stress.
Firstly, I was very busy yesterday working on an ebook that I wanted to post on Kindle for many many years. Now exactly the same things that have kept me from doing it, is at the front door, as it were. I have to get over the hill and do it. The technology I will master. Uncle Google will help me, as always, even if I succeed with lots of frustration. It is the “little voice” that I am battling – the one telling me it is not good enough.
The second reason comes from outside. Yesterday I made contact with al my clients I have not contacted since lockdown. Many are working from home. Most seem to be fine and optimistic. A few did sound desperate. I was worrying about them from the start. Hearing their desperation was not good for me. The mere fact that I make contact is proof that I think of them. Just saying “I hope you are well” seems so inadequate! Perhaps there is something better to say? I have never discovered it. Words are so easy and in over supply – there are dictionaries full of words. Yet, I know so few! In reality, I would love to hug my clients so that they could perhaps feel my heart and words become unnecessary. I would love to reach out and help in a tangible way, and I cannot.
It is the old thing. I have this thing that I feel the world’s pain. Almost like I did when I had that nightmare so long ago (Read it here). It is difficult to “let go and let God. Yet, so often in the past I have seen it work. I would work and push and pull to get things done, with no success. Then I get fed-up and stand back with an attitude of “Go to hell. Please yourself.” As if by magic, things fall in place. I still do not know if it is because of my efforts or not. Did all my efforts push the whole project over the brink? Do I get in my own way? In that same way I must make peace that I cannot save the whole world, as much as I would like to (and the question is if the world would like to be saved in my way, anyway). To let go, to let life be.
I also realise that I need to manage my day and not keep too busy. I need time to be … Richard Rohr correctly says my brain is a boiling cauldron of thoughts. I need to sit back, relax and bring all those thoughts under control.
I would love to hear from you. Your thoughts, your experience. Share it in the comments below, please.
