Lockdown Day 190 – 2 October 2020 – Values

Words don’t come easy

Words, don’t come easy to me
How can I find a way to make you see I Love You
Words don’t come easy

Words, don’t come easy to me
This is the only way for me to say I Love You
Words don’t come easy

Well I’m just a music man
Melody’s so far my best friend
But my words are coming out wrong and I
I reveal my heart to you and
Hope that you believe it’s true cause

Words, don’t come easy to me
How can I find a way to make you see I love You
Words don’t come easy

This is just a simple song
That I’ve made for you on my own
There’s no hidden meaning you know when I
When I say I love you honey
Please believe I really do cause

Words, don’t come easy to me
How can I find a way to make you see I Love You
Words don’t come easy

It isn’t easy
Words don’t come easy

F.R Davids

 

There is mostly music in the background as I drive or work and, although I don’t always listen with intent, it finds its way into my head. I remember this song from my youth. Perhaps it sticks with me because I also battle to express my emotions verbally.

As it is, I do not put a lot of faith in words. It is way too easy to just talk and say a lot of good sounding things without meaning any of it. Somehow, I like what that guy said about “preach, even use words, if necessary.”

I think it is a matter of how I grew up. My dad was not a man of many words, but I remember the evening on the small holding when he took out his Everite graph-paper diary and explained the concept of pi to me. Way better than the learned maths teacher could. And my dad not a formally learned man!

Saying what is expected

The thing with words is, that we know what is “expected” and what sounds good. And then we just say the words. And that is where my problem kicks in!

I also remember a primary school teacher who always spoke so nicely to us and gave the best motivational, life-lesson-sermons.  Then, one afternoon in standard six I was on the tennis courts (just acting as if I am playing tennis, because facts won’t bear out my words if I say I played tennis – see?) I heard this same teacher shouting at his son. In one unguarded moment all the life-lessons flew out of the universe – words and action did not gel!

Action

Jesus said, “for where your treasure is, there your heart will also be.” (Mat 6:21). If I am honest, I have to admit I lean more towards James than Paul in the Bible (although I think they just emphasize a bit differently). James said: “Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith with deeds.” (James 2:18). To be fair to Paul, he said: “The Kingdom of God is not a matter talk, but of power.” 1 Cor 4:20.

When I distrust words, I am in good company.

Values

And that brings me to values.

Somewhere in my MBA studies we did a case study and it alluded to values. It is 30+ years later, and it still haunts me.  We are not talking about what I would call “moral values” such as honesty, we are talking about values that drives us. Values that make is who we are.

Robberg

Looking backwards on Robberg

As an example, I can say being out in nature is a value. I will spend money on it. I go to great lengths to get in nature and spend time there. Serving and helping people is a huge value since a young age. It stands in good stead in my business (mostly), since I will do whatever it takes to help somebody and solve their insurance problems (and too often I do it for free!).

My grandchildren are a value – I will drop everything I am doing to play with the grandchildren and when I do, time stands still.

Values = Treasure?

That is the thing of values. It is not what you say, it is what you do. And your heart will always be where your value is! That is why we can say “I do, I do, I do” (Like Abba), but unless we DO I do, I do, the words have no meaning.

Distilling values or what matters is something that keeps my mind busy. How do I know what really matters to me? I do not have a clear answer, but I think if you study your actions, you will get an idea. What do you spend your time on? How and where do you spend your free time? On what do you spend money? What is that thing that you always spend money on, even when you say, “I am broke.”

It reminds me of the joke of the guy who sent his girlfriend a note (before telephones and motor cars): “I will walk through fire for you. I will fight a lion to see you. I will swim a river in flood to get to you. I love you. John.  Ps, I will visit on Saturday if it is not raining.” The PS is the only truth in that whole letter!

Actions speak louder than words. Where there is a lack of congruency between words and actions, I will always believe the actions.  Actions show the values.

Values and Sub-Conscious

Are values “visible” on a sub-conscious level? I don’t know, but I have a suspicion that it is.  Perhaps that is why we are drawn to some people. Is it just me who find that in groups I gravitate towards some people, and mostly relate to them and feel at home with them? Could it be that it is the sub-conscious responding to the shared values?  I would like to believe there is some truth in this.

Let me conclude this journey about values with another story about my dad, the man of few words, but much wisdom.

After my dad’s death I went to pack up his garage where he made the most beautiful wooden furniture. Also, the garage where I messed around and learned to do a lot of handyman things that I still use today. Packing up, I discovered a lot of my experiments, mostly failed experiments. Then it dawned on me that it cost my dad a lot of money (and probably trouble) to allow me to experiment and acquire some skills, and he never complained. He would advise and encourage, but he never complained about welding rods that I used, as an example.

And that was the day that I said: “Thanks Dad, that I always knew you loved me. Although you never said it, you never had to.”

That is values. Where your treasure is … I will show my faith through my deeds.

What is your take on values? What do you think about values and words? Do you agree or disagree with my thoughts?  Please leave your comments below.

 

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