This is a real mixer of a title! Read to the end and you will understand.
Benji
Benji is our 13-year-old Yorkshire Terrier. Since we inherited him from my children, I am his Granddad. And we are very close. He follows me like a shadow. Drives with me (when it is not too hot) when I on to appointments. Lies with me when I drink my first cup of coffee in the morning. Sleeps with me until his grandma joins us, then he goes to his own bed.
Benji has many names. On Amazon KDP he is Benjamin Yorkshire with a host of books behind his name. He is also Wolbol (Yarn Ball), because he looks like a yarn ball after kittens got hold of it – especially when he gets out of bed. He is also Knopgat – because he is very independent and does his own thing. If he does not want biltong, he will turn away his head. If he wants you to pet him, he will allow you to do it. But if I want to pet him and he doesn’t want to, he becomes a Wildedier (wild animal) and violently jumps away.
From the above, you should be able to gather Benji and I are the best of friends. He is also my hiking companion, and we spent many hours by ourselves in the mountains. Sharing food, water, and companionship.
Last week Benji was lying with me when he suddenly jumped out of bed, his head shaking and looking a bit lost. Then he got back under the duvet in a drunkenly fashion. We thought it could be a stroke. (Fortunately, it is most likely Old Dog Vestibular Disease. You can Google it.) Thursday I mostly worked from home and Benji spent most of the day lying with me. I could pet him as much as I liked. Thursday, we saw the vet. He got a sore injection against nausea and drank some water. Friday, he lay with me as much as he could. He did not eat. Saturday, we took him for a follow-up and another injection. The improvement was remarkable. His head is still tilted, but he is much more stable.
And now he is not as tame and does not sit with me as he did the previous two days.
That is Benji.
US
Our reactions was also noteworthy. We spent as much time with Benji as possible, we thought this is an untimely end. And we are not yet ready to live without a dog! We enjoyed holding and petting him much more than usual. And, I think, he heard how much we appreciate him more times in two days than in a normal 2 months. We were saying goodbye while hoping for recovery. That is us.
And I was seeing this as if I am an observer.
Vulnerability
Sunday in church the sermon is about John 12 – Mary anoints Jesus’s Feet. The Minister brings an old story to life in a new way.
Suddenly I realize what happens in this story of Mary anointing Jesus’s feet is the same as the story of Benji and I! And thanks to Brene Brown and what she taught me about vulnerability, I see it as clear as I have ever seen anything.
It is a story of vulnerability!
Benji and I are both vulnerable. Being unsteady on his legs, not being able to walk, falling over, walking in circles – it is vulnerability in the extreme. We feel vulnerable, because we think we are going to lose something precious. In that vulnerability, we live authentically without boundaries. We share feelings and show our soft underbelly. We carry our emotions on our sleeves, so to speak.
Then there is a cortisone injection, things improve dramatically and returns to almost normal – and gone is the vulnerability! Just as suddenly as it began, I cannot pet and cuddle Benji, because he becomes a wild animal again!
And here is the thing. Both Benji and I are the losers for this. I have a need to pet him, but he does not allow me to do it. There is a totally different relationship possible should he allow me to pet him, but he never gets to really experience it. It is up to me, the human with insight, to meet Benji where he is. To not “force myself on him,” to not turn him into a wild animal.
But what about humans? The principle is the same – we have to meet people where they are, not where we are. There are people whom I can hug, and others I cannot approach within a meter! It is up to me to adjust to their boundaries.
John 12
Let’s return to John 12. Jesus is on His way to the cross. A stressful time. A vulnerable time. What if he played the He-man? The tough guy that shows no emotion. The strong man that is above it all? He would have missed out on a very intimate act of love, caring and empathy – at a time when he probably needed it most!
Can you imagine Mary’s vulnerability in this act of anointing Jesus’s feet? I can only imagine the consolation and healing(?) this act of Mary had for her. How many times she thought back to this after Jesus was gone and how it must have softened the sadness and longing.
And Brene Brown does not need my confirmation – but vulnerability makes us whole and through vulnerability we allow each other to become whole.
Vulnerability requires guts! But it is worth risking. I cherish the Thursday and Friday I had with Benji and if he were euthanized on Saturday, those two days would have been what I remembered. Along with all the other good memories.
That is Brene Brown, whom I really like.
And Paulo Coelho and Veronica Decides to Die also hits the nail squarely on the head! We appreciate life a lot more when we think it is getting scarce. We appreciate each other more when we realize “times are getting real few.”
Benji and John 12 gave me much more insight into Brene Brown’s message of the importance of vulnerability. I will try to live with even more vulnerability going forward. And I will definitely try to appreciate my time (life) and those of the people close to me, much more. Stop more often to connect and listen and be there for each other.
And that is the story of
Benji, John 12 Sermon, Brene Brown and Veronica Decides to Die